Thank you, Matthew Bent! We need solutions to bullying NOW!

I saw this amazing post tonight on Facebook under Mashable and it struck a cord for me once again. I have been trying for years to bring awareness and action to the fact that bullying and lack of support from schools has become the biggest issue facing today's kids.

I take calls and receive emails and messages on Facebook weekly from parents sharing their horrifying stories of their children being traumatized and victimized in school. The saddest part is 99% of the time the schools they attend lack in intervention. The parents are told not to worry or that things will be taken care of. They never are.

Parents have had to resort to hiring lawyers, homeschooling or moving to a new district all together to escape the torment. Parents teach their kids to stand up for themselves and when they do, they are hit with a suspension and told zero tolerance. Most of the time the child who finally strikes back has taken months, sometimes years, of torment and no one has helped them. It is their only way to make it stop. When will we wake up? When will we see what is happening?

Here is an article I wrote years ago. I have been trying to get the message out there with countless others, yet I do not feel we have moved ahead in any way.
http://www.examiner.com/article/bullying-can-cause-devastating-effects-and-trauma-for-kids

As I was looking through my stats this evening to see what information people were viewing most on our support blog, I noticed we had the most hits on one particular page. It is the SAMPLE BULLYING LETTER TO SUBMIT TO SCHOOL. We had a comment on this page as well that gripped me as I read the parent's powerful words. The reason is, it is not just the kids who are bullying our kids. Staff are can be just as involved and yet it seems to be something no one wants to talk about.

Our group met this month and we watched the movie Bully together. I had viewed it previously but this time it resonated more concern with me as those who surrounded me gasped and shared comments on how familiar this all was for them.

It seems many of us are shouting from the roof tops for a solution, for acknowledgement that this is a huge epidemic. Kids with special needs are even more susceptible to the damage this causes. The trauma that is a result of bullying, will have devastating effects for years to come. Many have resorted to taking their own lives to stop the pain. How can we ignore this any longer? How can we sit back and say "It is not in my community. It is not in my school."

Where is the professional help and guidance our schools need to help our kids cope and resolve issues that many times are more then they can stand? We care so much about test scores and funding for academics. How can kids learn when they do not feel safe in the building they have to report to everyday? Do we really think they can focus on facts when they are on high alert for survival.

I have so much more to share and I would love to see a real discussion begin. Those who have visited before and viewed these topics, please know you are not alone. We need to get attention to this situation so please share this link and share your stories and ideas in the comments below.

Thank you Matthew Bent for advocating for your son and millions of other children who need the schools to step up and do something to help. Enough is enough! Save our kids!



*****Update 04/22/2013

Check out the interview on the TODAY show. I am so glad to see this gaining national attention. We need to continue to send a message that this will not be tolerated and brushed under the rug anymore. We have lost too many young lives and this has devestated too many families.
http://www.advocate.com/youth/2013/04/15/watch-dad-stands-behind-bullied-son-facebook-gets-school-response

We are saddened by the recent events at the Boston Marathon today. We offer our prayers to all who are affected by this tragedy. It seems like every time we turn around there has been a horrifying situation and something else we never thought we would need to find words to talk to our kids about.

After the Newtown shootings, it took me days to decide how I would talk about the situation to my kids and how I would assure them they were safe. Especially with the media swirling with the misinformation that because the shooter has Asperger's, this somehow tied into the cause. I was so scared for both of my children returning to school but even more so because of the labeling that had started to take place against those with Autism. There were Facebook pages popping up saying that people wanted to burn someone with Autism, the media continued to stress in each report that the shooter had Asperger's. It was the most difficult conversation I ever had to have with my own child on the spectrum who already felt the world did not approve of him after years of bullying from peers and staff.

I did all I could on social media to spread awareness and share that this was not a factor of violence. Many in the community came together to get the media to retract what they were saying and how they were saying. It was irresponsible to report in the manner they did and they were putting many children and adults in danger with this ignorance.

Days later they started to retract. One by one, the media started to clarify what Autism was and wasn't and tried to fix their horrendous mistake. But, still the damage was done and I had to have the conversation with my child that he may hear or someone may say something to him about his diagnosis and the shooter. Never in my life was I prepared for such a thing. I handled it the best I could and tried to help him know how to self advocate if this occurred.

I will never forget the look on his face when I explained it. He looked at me and said, "How could anyone think I would do something like that?" I stressed that it was not personal and that people were misinformed and it was our job to tell the truth and show what that really is.

I remember thinking, what if the media was saying the shooter was tall and that was what made him do it? How scared I would be to have a target on my back for being tall and people looking at me and wondering if I was capable of such an act? I knew he was now carrying a huge weight that he did not need on top of everything else he had endured. I went back and forth about sharing this information but knew it was the right thing to do instead of someone saying something and he would not be prepared at all which could have even worse results.

There is one thing that I kept reading over and over and saw posted on Facebook again today. It helped me talk to my kids and helped me get perspective during these scary times when even as parents we are not sure what is safe anymore. I will certainly review it again as we talk about the most recent events in Boston.

 

 

We do not know why there is such hate and evil in this world and we cannot stop bad things from happening, but we can assure those we love we will be by their side and we will stand together to get through whatever may come. There is more good in the world than bad. We just need to look for it and focus on it. 

 

May the families, first responders, community and our country find peace and assurance in the fact that many are praying and mourning with those impacted by this act and during this difficult time. You will rise again and we are all here to make sure of that.